We're facebook friends in real life
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
