I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
