Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
