I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You are a genius and a whore.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
