It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
