JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
