Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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