She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
