I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
