my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
