he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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