She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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