Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
