Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize