Duck Duck Cougar?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
