Your dad touched me again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
