I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
