She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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