Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
