I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
