wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
