you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
