Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
