when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
