Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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