i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
