I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
