he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
