I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
