I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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