Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
