and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
