see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize