I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
