The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
