I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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