All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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