She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
