So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
