i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
