I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
