I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
