I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My cat gives me a boner
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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