How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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