i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
