I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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