ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We got so high we made milksteak
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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