You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
