to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
