you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
