You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Randomize
