Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
