apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
