Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
