i think my tv is drunk
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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