He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Operation Purity has been aborted
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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