Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
