I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
