A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize