Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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