Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize