I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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