Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
