My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
