I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
