The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
