this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
