Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
