i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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