you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize