Screwed.edu
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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