his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
