This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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