you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
