You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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