Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Enjoy the penises
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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