I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
