A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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