he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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