Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
