ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
