We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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