I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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