Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
