Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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