Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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