ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
