i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
