I'm gonna have a badass scar
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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