You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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