yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
