Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
