Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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