I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
