I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
