i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
