i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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