dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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