I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
