Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
