and you said cock pushups were impossible
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
