Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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