Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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