they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Michael Bay diarrhea
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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