So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
