He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
