just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think my nap took me to another dimension
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
