my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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